Insight: What Drives Me

I have spent the last several weeks puzzling over several things in my life. These have all driven me to total seclusion in my room at times, for they have been of nearly paramount dimensions. Today is perhaps the first day that I have finally emerged from the room in high spirits. I have finally realized the areas that are really controlling my life and dictating the direction that I turn in. It is my ultimate goal, nonetheless, that I gain from this project a truly changed outlook of life.

The environments and events that take place all around me have all served to really define who I am today. Most of which is still present and still undermines and forms the basic foundation as to which I find myself seeking to be motivated by. It served and continues to serve as my motivation. It drives me to work towards my goals, and it even determines the direction that I take to get what I need. There are simply three things that I have discovered that serve some part, in some way to really give me that push to work and move forward.

1. Acknowledgment-Tristan has discovered that he seeks to ultimately gain some sort of acknowledgment and recognition from his parents. As he has striven to gain the best grades possible, and accomplish other things, he has discovered that he is a bit unsatisfied with his parents acknowledgment of this. He ultimately seeks to please them in everything so that he can have their nod of approval and receive great praise and love from them.

2. Anger- Tristan has discovered that he is extremely angry with the world. The world is an unfair place. Having lost the most important thing in his life, he is now angered with the fact that this event has happened to him. Unfortunately he boils over heavily with vengeance daily. Although nothing can be done, his anger with this one fact alone has driven him constantly to the point of completely breaking down. In order to not erupt into fury, he channels all of his anger into his schoolwork. Only in times of great anger could he make his best grades.

3. Fear-Tristan is afraid of many things around him. Although he may not show it outwardly, he is secretly always in fear. That is why he seems to always be on guard and is always such a hard person to communicate with. His fear has driven him to become a total loner at times. Only when someone has thrust them self or either proves to be a truly exceptional person will he completely reveal himself to that person. His fear of the past, the present, and the future has really dictated life. He has a fear of the secret motives of strangers; simply put, he is afraid of people and social events.

In the next insight we will explore, Happiness...